40-year-old calls herself 'first time mom' when new baby arrives despite having a 24-year-old son, son storms out: 'She said something that really hurt me'

Advertisement
  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10393550336
  • 02
    AITA for telling my mother she's not a "first- time mom" now that she had a new baby?
  • 03
    I (24M) have a good relationship with my mother (40F) even though, as you can tell from our age, she had me when she was very young and obviously lacked the maturity to raise me, so I lived my grandparents, who were then below poverty line, for most of my childhood while my mother moved away to get her college education.
  • 04
    I don't blame her for her choices, I know she worked hard to improve herself and to get to a place where she would have the means to raise me right, but it wasn't until I was 11 or 12 that she was stable enough to get me to live with her (bio dad was never in the picture).
  • 05
    Anyway, now, my mother is financially comfortable and happily married. She gave birth to her second son a couple of weeks ago. I don't live with her anymore (we're not in the same city, it's a 2-hour drive), so it wasn't until yesterday that I managed to visit her and see my half-brother for the first time.
  • 06
    I noticed she was surrounded by a lot of fancy accessories, so I was like "What are those?", and she was like "That's the baby's Lexus stroller and Louis Vuitton diaper bag of course". So I said something like "You really went. overboard huh?".
  • 07
    And then she said something that really hurt me. She said she now had the chance to experience motherhood for the first time, and that she was feeling like a first time mom because, when she had me, she was so young and unprepared and financially vulnerable. So I
  • 08
    told her she was not a first time mom, and I couldn't understand why she'd say something like that to me. She tried to argue that she didn't mean it like that, but I was still upset, I just didn't push it because my stepfather arrived.
  • 09
    She texted me after I left, but I didn't reply yet. I also didn't pick up when she tried to call me. AITA for holding on to this?
  • 10
    Realistic-Active7230. 7 hr. ago NTA and this is a very tricky situation and I understand why you are upset, I'm sorry that you didn't get the same response when you were born as your mum was so young. It's an insensitive thing to say to you and I hope your mother can try to understand why you are upset.
  • 11
    Infinite_gal 6 hr. ago i think the mother understands. OP have a talk with your mom, there seems to be some resentment. i get that it is very difficult time for you, you should tell her
  • 12
    Tattedtail 7 hr. ago • NAH I understand why her words hurt you. Yes, she was already a mum before her second child.
  • 13
    But it sounds like she wasn't your primary caretaker until you were over a decade old. I'm extrapolating here, and I apologise if I'm wrong, but she wasn't able to spend the amount of time with you as a baby that most mum's do. She
  • 14
    didn't get the experience of buying baby stuff, making the decisions, controlling the environment, being responsible for a new, little life. I don't think she's wrong for being happy that she can now have that
  • 15
    experience. I also don't think her comments mean that you don't matter to her, or that she doesn't consider you to be her child. It sounds like seeing the financial stability and comfort your half-sibling
  • 16
    has been born into made you feel some things, and your mum's comments pushed you over the line into being off.
  • 17
    munchkinatlaw · 6 hr. ago • It sounds a lot like he resents being an after thought to someone who cares more about having luxury goods now than she did about ever being a mother to him.
  • 18
    • katbelleinthedark · 6 hr. ago NAH. Your feelings are valid. But to be fair, in your own words, you mother said she was FEELING like a first time mum, not that she WAS. Your own post states that she spoke about how the experience makes her FEEL like she's
  • 19
    experiencing motherhood for the first time and let's be real, that is what is happening, kind of. She was young when she had you, left you at your grandparents and didn't actually raise you. By her own choice, she didn't get the mum of a newborn/infant experience with you.
  • 20
    I think she knows that her phrasing hurt you and is trying to talk to you and apologise. I don't think she was trying to be mean or to imply that you are any less her child.
  • 21
    JJQuantum 5 hr. ago NTA. It was a very insensitive thing to say. She may have been 16 when she had you but she's 40 now and should absolutely know better.

Tags

Scroll Down For The Next Article